Most of us have lost someone we know at some point in our life. All of the mourners gather in one little room as they pay their last respects to the deceased. Many times we sit around chatting with others and catching up on the latest of "who did what". But have you been to a funeral where someone says or does something so inappropriate that it's, well, funny?
I would have to say that happens at almost every funeral I have been to. You have the elderly man who can't hear, so he yells instead of talking. The child (who really shouldn't have come because they are too young to understand) that tries to get the dead person to play. And my favorite, the old woman who crop dusts everyone as she walks by.
I have been witness all types of services, from the most tear jerking military service with 21 gun salute and taps to the most laid back service with tie-dye and daisy chains. I think one of the absolute worst thing I have seen is someone letting their teens smoke pot in the parking lot during the kid's fathers viewing.
Seriously?!?
I understand that they are hurting, but really? Then during the what I thought was supposed to be a solemn event, uncensored Kid Rock came blaring out of the speakers. The mother of all cuss words clearly audible. What fresh hell was that? People sat with their mouths agape in shock and horror, while the elderly turn off their hearing aids to avoid the eardrum ripping noise. His kids and insignificant (not a typo) other thought it was a great way to honor him. True story, I can't make this shit up.
Let's move on to my top 5 picks for hilarity at a funeral.
5. I heard someone ask a man how he was doing at a funeral for his wife's grandmother. His reply could have been "I'm fine" or "not too bad" or even "hanging in there", but no his answer was "Well at least I'm not dead". I believe he was mortified the rest of the day.
Why do people ask mourners how they are doing? Well, how the hell do you think they are doing? Do you think they are overjoyed and exuberantly happy? If they are that happy someone kicked the bucket, then I would say they gots issues.
4. Female mourner X accused female mourner Y of sleeping with her husband. Then she went around telling anyone who would listen that female Y was a dirty tramp.
3. Have you seen people take selfies with the corpse? At the above mentioned trainwreck several people did just that. It just gives me the creeps.
2. Sympathy grabbers: We have all seen them. They make a spectacle everywhere they go. They can't just wear dress clothes to the funeral home. No! They have to wear black from head to toe, hat included. They look like they are going to a gothic Churchill Downs. Add on the lacy black veil and I want to yell "Beetlejuice" three times.
And finally my favorite moment....
1. The viewing was during a rain storm and the electricity goes out. Male A and male B are sitting on a couch in the vestibule. Male B yells "Somebody forgot to pay the electric bill!" Then A yells "B don't touch me there!" The lights came back on and most of the people started laughing.
I hope you enjoyed my stories about funeral faux pas. I hope this was as entertaining for you to read as it was for me to write. Come back and visit me again!
